Reasons Why Charlotte Got Mad at Me

Last night Charlotte got mad at me for the following reasons:

  • I could not wear her pants.  She kept trying to get me to put them on me but I am obviously not a size 2T.  She was displeased.
  • I took my glasses off to rub my eyes.  Lately she has been having a an apoplectic fit any time she doesn’t see me with my glasses on and screams in my face “GLASSES ON!”  I guess I can never get contacts.
  • The bath water was not the proper temperature for her demanding ass.  “Too cold!  Too warm! Get out!”  And then she threw a bucket of water at me to prove her point.
  • She was upset that I didn’t have pink polish on my fingernails like I do on my toenails.  Then she wanted me to paint them black and green and when I told her no she cried.  If you want to pay for my manicures kid, I’ll paint them any color you want.
  • I tried to make myself something to eat.  After feeding her a yogurt, soup, an apple & pretzels I was getting pretty hungry myself and just wanted to eat some salad.  This pissed her off.  “NO MAMA COME HERE!” I guess she just wants me to starve so I can fit into her 2T pants.
  • The itsy bitsy spider video that she requested had a purple spider and not a green spider.  Then I found a green spider but it wasn’t the correct green spider.  Do you know how many itsy bitsy spider videos there are?  How many different colored green spiders are floating around the Internets?  Do you know there are also incy wincy spider videos?  IS IT ITSY BITSY OR INCY WINCY?! WHAT IS IT! STOP THIS MADNESS!
  • It was time to go to bed.  This always pisses her off.  I really don’t know why because the time that she goes to bed can only be trumped in my favorite things in all of the world by the time that I go to bed.  BED TIME IS THE BEST TIME.

When Words Aren’t Enough

I’m trying to find the words today to be funny or witty or just share some motherhood musings, but I can’t.  I learned about the attack last night in Manchester at an Ariana Grande concert with an alert that popped up on my phone.  At that time there were no confirmed casualties and much uncertainty.  I woke up this morning, brought Charlotte in bed with me with sleep rimmed eyes, and read that there are so far 22 deaths and 59 injuries.  Two confirmed deaths are an 18 year old girl and an 8 year old girl.  ISIS has claimed responsibility for the attacks and are seen celebrating online.  The bomb used was sophisticated and filled with nails in order to inflict as much damage as possible.  I am crying as I write this, because I cannot believe we live in a world where someone could be filled with so much hatred that they are compelled to blow themselves up in order to kill children and young adults.  Individuals who haven’t even started to live their lives fully yet.  That these people can celebrate such an atrocity.  I don’t understand it.  I don’t know why this is the world we live in.

These people were out to have a good time at a concert.  How many concerts have you been to?  I’ve been to so many and can not imagine the terror and horror these people had to face.  I can’t imagine being at an event in which you are there to have fun and end the night running away from an explosion.  I can’t imagine being a parent going to pick up a child and you can’t find them because they are dead or injured.  Why does this have to happen?  This world we’ve brought our children into is so very different than the world I grew up in.  I feel like I never want to let Charlotte out of my sight even though I know that isn’t a feasible answer or any way to respond to a situation like this.  But I don’t know what else to feel other than sheer terror that things like this continue to happen and can be done anywhere at any time.  It’s like nothing is safe.

It sounds cheap and empty to me to say my thoughts and prayers are with everyone that was affected by this horror.  I don’t know anyone in Manchester, but I can’t stop thinking of those people I don’t know, and the faces I’ve never seen before except for those plastered on the newspapers, of the dead and wounded whose lives are irrevocably changed.  But that’s all I have right now.  All I have are my thoughts and my prayers, and I send them over the ocean, a world away.  I pray for the families who lost their beautiful kids.  Kids they have probably complained about just like I complain about my own.  Kids who they would give anything to have back.  It seems stupid to me right now to have a blog to bitch about my kids shitty sleeping habits when things like this happen.  I would stay up every day for the rest of my life with my shitty sleeper if it meant something like this would never happen to her.  I’m sure these parents now feel the same.  I cannot imagine what they are going through and my heart breaks for them.  I pray for the young people who now have this experience in their lives.  Nobody should go through something like this, least of all children.

Words aren’t enough.  But words are all I have.  God bless the people of Manchester today and every day.

Hold your loved ones a little tighter today, guys.  Don’t sweat the small stuff.  Call your families to say hello.  You never know what tomorrow may bring.

A Day Spent Outside is a Day Well Spent

It was such a gorgeous day in New York yesterday that I knew I would have to spend all of it outside with Charlotte.  We went to the park early in the morning, walked around together, played with a new dog friend and shared a tangerine on the steps.  Then she took a nap in my bed which was awesome because I got to sit around and play The Sims 4 because I am clearly a mature adult, and then when she woke up we had some lunch, met up with our neighbors and went to another park.  Lots of walking because she won’t go in the stroller or the wagon because she always has to find ways to make my life difficult, but I figure all the times I have to carry her it’s just extra exercise for me, right?  Right.  This was her face when we put her in the wagon though.  She is so pissed that it makes me laugh every time I look at it.


She had a really good time though and I love watching her be able to do more and more of the playground stuff without my help.  Here she is after she climbed up the big ladder.  She was very proud of herself and would clap every time she did it and make us clap with her.


Those damn pink shoes though.  She will not stop wearing those pink shoes!!  I HAVE SO MANY SHOES FOR YOU CHARLOTTE WHYYYYY.

Once Eric got home from softball the three of us went and took a nice walk to Red Mango for frozen yogurt.  It’s not a far walk but it’s not exactly up the block and Charlotte surprised me by walking the entire way home.  She really enjoyed her ice cream, so much so that she got off my lap to dance around the place and start sliding on the floor like she is in a music video.  I have a video of it but apparently I don’t pay for premium access on this site and therefore cannot share it with you here.  Which is annoying, but I guess that’s what happens when you choose the free option.  Oh well.

All in all it was an awesome day and she went to bed in like 3 minutes flat.  She woke up at 1:45 having a nightmare though, so that was fun.  It actually wasn’t that bad, she just cuddled up next to me and went right back to sleep.  There are worse things in the world than sleeping next to a cuddly toddler, am I right?

I hope you all had a great weekend!

Kids Say The Darndest Things

Last night I was in the kitchen eating a sad salad because I’ve had way too many fattening delicious things lately when Charlotte came in and walked behind me.  The next thing I know she was slapping my butt and shouting “mama butt! butt! butt!” and then she started slapping it harder and then began shouting “big butt!” And then she walked away laughing.

And this, my friends, is why I was eating a salad.

Funny Little Things

I’ve climbed out of my black hole of misery and self pity because I think Jesus himself read my blog post yesterday and sensed my desperation because Charlie girl went to sleep last night in under 10 minutes and I didn’t need to do anything different! Except I gave her Motrin in the bathtub.  So maybe the answer is drugs?  Drugs sound good.

So now I can focus on the good and funny things again.  Because Charlotte is really getting funnier every day.  The very first thing she does when I come home from work is say “mama come here” because she wants me to pick her up, except she pronounces here like HEA and sounds like a mini Marisa Tomei in My Cousin Vinny.  Then she grabs both of my ear lobes and demands that I take my earrings out.  She has finally moved on from grabbing my nipples and now focuses solely on my ears!  It is a wondrous occasion!! I actually don’t remember the last time she went for my boobs.  My nipples are really and truly free!  Too bad I have pancake boobs now.  Thanks a lot breastfeeding.  Anyway, I take my sunglasses off when I get in the house and she looks at me and goes “mama where your glasses?”  Except where is pronounced whea.  Again, little Marisa Tomei.  I then have to put my glasses back on so she can stick her fingers underneath them and try to poke my eyes.  We do this for about 5 whole minutes.  She thinks it is hilarious.  Kids are weird.

Also, the other night in the bathtub she started to point to her belly button and stick her finger in it excitedly, except she calls it a belly bunny.  I almost died.  I said where is your belly button and she goes “RIGHT THEA!” (do you see a pattern here?) and then says THEA BELLY BUNNY!  I have a video of it but unfortunately her vagina is in it, because we were in the bathtub, and I don’t want to put that on the internet.  I’ve got to try to get a video of it with all of her clothes on.  Which is hard to do considering the child likes to have nothing on most of the time.  I can’t really blame her though considering we just went from 54 degrees to Satan’s asshole in a span of 3 days and it’s too hot for clothes.

Thanks for always reading my rants, my cries and my mindless chatter and coming to my rescue with advice and a shoulder to cry on.  You guys are the best.

Sleep Dilemma: Part 712,789,3475

You would think that by now, at over 2 years old, I could stop writing about sleep issues with my child.  I have never, in my life, seen a kid who has given their parents more anxiety over sleep than Miss Charlotte.  I do not understand it.  I am losing my mind.  Last night I sat on my bed and cried as she screamed and screamed and screamed in her room.  You see, the problem now isn’t sleeping through the night.  Oh no, once she goes to sleep she is staying asleep.  In fact, I haven’t even seen her in the morning before I leave for work.  The problem now is going to bed.  We’ve had the same effing bedtime routine for over a year.  We take a bath (sometimes), we put on our pajamas and then we read stories before bed.  Charlotte usually protested bedtime but would conk out in 5-10 minutes.  Last night she screamed her head off for 45 minutes.  The night before was a half hour.  The night before that was 20 minutes.  So you’ll see the pattern of it GETTING WORSE.  She stands up and yells “out mama!” “open the door mama!” “mama! mama! mama!” and cries so hard it sounds like she’s on fire.  I cannot take it anymore.  She starts crying before I even stop reading her books for the 500th time.  I googled it and apparently it’s normal for a toddler to start to protest bedtime but nobody has a great solution and I’m completely out of ideas.  We’ve never been able to go into her room when she cries because that always made things worse, but do I do that now?  Should I go in and say it’s okay and that it’s time to sleep and walk out again?  Or will that just make her scream harder and louder?  Do I lay on the floor next to her crib until she falls asleep?  Do I just continue to let the screaming go on and pray she isn’t traumatized for life and hope it’s just a phase?  Do I return her for a new model?

I’m sure you’re sick of me writing about this problem by now.  I can assure you I am sick of living it.

Practicing Patience

My cousin sent me a video yesterday that depicted a day through a mom’s eyes and then flipped the switch and showed the day through her daughter’s eyes.  The mom was tired and frustrated, cleaning up dirty diapers on a baby with a toddler in tow, food shopping while the toddler rips toilet paper off the display and finally cleaning up an entire cake that the toddler dropped on the floor.  By the end of the mom’s perspective she looked exhausted and defeated, a look I know all too well.  But then the dad came home and asked the little girl how her day was, and every aspect of her day was magical.  Mommy cuddled her and sang to her, mommy raced around the store with the wagon, and mommy sat on the floor with her while they picked up pieces of cake.  The video ended with “Your normal may be their magic.”  And then I cried and cried.

This video really stuck with me though, because lately I have been getting so frustrated and so impatient with Charlotte.  I realize I am doing it, and I spend hours at a time feeling guilty over it.  When she refuses to let me change her diaper and she is basically leaking urine onto me, I lose it.  When she asks me for soup but then says “no not that one!” so I give her other soup but then she asks me for the first soup I gave her, I lose it.  It’s not like I am screaming at her, but my patience wears thin and I have, many times, told her she is annoying.  That may make me sound like a bad mother, but it is the truth.  But after watching that video, I am actively trying to practice patience.  Perhaps when she refuses to let me change her and she runs around the house squealing NO NO NO as I chase her around the house, that’s fun for her.  Maybe those moments are her magic.  And I need to remember that losing my patience will do more harm than good.  Am I saying that I’m going to be Mary Poppins from now on?  Practically perfect in every way?  Absolutely not.  But I’m going to really try to be more patient with her demands and her tantrums and try to see the world from her eyes.  I am so blessed to be a mother.  I am so grateful to be a mother.  And while every moment isn’t easy, every moment IS an opportunity to be with her, and teach her, and learn from her.  So the next time I think she is annoying (which she can be, let’s face it, all toddlers can be) and I want to scream, I’ll try to remember that maybe this moment is her magic.  Practicing patience is my new mantra.