Sometimes It’s Hard to be Mad at 4:50 AM

More often than not, I am waking up to a clock that begins with the number 4.  My child is an early riser and I have accepted this as a fact and I no longer stay awake past 9:30 PM, unless someone else is getting up with her in the morning and I have a reprieve, which only happens once or twice a week if I am lucky.  I consider waking up at 5:30 a blessing, and if she sleeps until 6 it is a downright miracle.  Waking up this early all of the time leaves me exhausted and grumpy and drinking more coffee than water.  But today, as tired as I am, I couldn’t be mad or grumpy when I heard her.  The monitor woke me up from a deep sleep at 4:50 on the dot, and as I rolled over to look at it I saw her standing up in the corner quietly calling out to me.  Mama, mama, mama.  Over and over, getting a little louder and more insistent with each call but never outright screaming.  I went to get her, and when I walked into her room and got close to her, she sighed and said mama as if she hadn’t seen me in the longest time.  I brought her to my bed and we cuddled under the covers, and she put her hands on my cheeks, said mama again and made a kissing sound.  How can anyone ever be mad at that, no matter what time it is?  How lucky am I to have someone who is always so happy to see me?  One day (I pray) she will sleep later, but the mama mama mama call will be long gone.  So even though it was dark and I am always tired, I will embrace these moments.

But I’m still going to go into her room when she’s a teenager and scream at her at 4 AM.  Just to show her I love her.

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