The Black Hole of Kids YouTube

YouTube has been a blessing and a curse.  Charlotte loves to watch the ABC song, the animal sounds song and lots of other semi-educational shit that have expanded her vocabulary.  But she’s also learned how to use YouTube and the iPad perfectly.  And I mean swiping her little finger to get rid of notifications, turning off full screen mode so she can browse other videos, and finding the dreaded videos that all parents can agree on hating together.

SURPRISE EGGS!

What in the actual F ARE THESE VIDEOS.  And why are kids so obsessed with them?!  If you’re not a parent, or you’re just a better parent than I am and don’t let your kids watch this nonsense, let me break down one of the videos for you.  An adult, not a child, an ADULT, opens up toys and talks about them.  That’s literally it.  They break open little eggs and go “oh what’s inside? Oh it’s Queen Elsa! I love her!” and on and on it goes.  Some other weird ass video Charlotte watches is someone putting a baby doll in a bathtub and filling it with colored gumballs.  I DO NOT UNDERSTAND IT.  I looked up some information on the people behind these YouTube channels and what I found has made me question all of my life decisions up until this point.  One of the channels, Disney Collectors something or other, has almost 10 million followers and rakes in $1.5 million to $23.4 million dollars annually.  All this person does is open up fucking toys, video tape their hands doing so, and plays with them.  THEY PLAY WITH TOYS AND MAKE MILLIONS OF DOLLARS. MILLIONSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS.  Do you know how many times I’ve played with Charlotte’s toys in front of her FOR FREE!???  And do you know that she does not give a single shit if I play with her toys in front of her, but a stranger on a video can keep her occupied forever?

I don’t understand anything.  Why are kids so weird?

But honestly, if a weird ass lady opening up an egg with a Mickey toy inside keeps her occupied for the few precious minutes I have to get some sort of dinner ready at the end of a work day I will gladly let her watch it.  Because I am screen time mommy.  And I am apparently one of the reasons this weird ass lady is a millionaire and I’m eating a smart ones microwaveable meal because they were on sale 6 for $10 dollars while Charlotte watches it.  AMERICA!!

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One thought on “The Black Hole of Kids YouTube

  1. Honest K says:

    No way!! My daughter loves these weird ass videos!!! Thank goodness there is another kid out there just as weird as mine! I too looked at the viewing numbers and some have 65M?! Eh?! We must be missing something, how hard can it be to make those creepy videos. Have you seen the one they sing while painting each finger a different colour? It’s a particular favourite of Jessica’s and a particularity adult mind melting one.

    Like

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