The Things I Said I’d Never Do

Ahhhhh.  I remember a time when I was the best mother in the world.  This was, of course, before I actually was a mother.  I think every mom out there is the best mom ever when you actually don’t have kids, am I right?  It’s so easy to envision a life where your child sleeps and eats broccoli and doesn’t watch television.  HA HA HA LET’S ALL LAUGH TOGETHER.

Last night one of those things I said I’d never do occurred.  And I did it.  And I have ZERO SHAME.  You see, before I had a baby I said I’d never bribe my kid to eat.  Not me, no sir.  My kid would eat whatever I gave them, and in my childless mind it was all sorts of nutritious items.  Baby Schwartz wouldn’t need those Flintstones vitamins because they’d get all of their vitamins from REAL FOOD.  Yea, well, baby Schwartz likes to eat fruit loops off the floor and a lot of days I consider the colors in the artificial dye to be her only source of nourishment.

I was tired last night.  I had been up for hours and hours and hours and had a busy day at work and I was not making a gourmet feast.  Charlotte could have eaten stale cereal from under the couch for all I cared.  When I was in the kitchen putting my crock pot masterpiece in a tupperware to save for later, Charlotte opened up “her” drawer in the kitchen cabinet which includes all of the veggie and fruit mix squeeze pouches she has refused to eat for months.  She handed me one that contained spinach (!!) and asked me to open it, but when I handed it to her she told me no.  Then she asked me for bubbles.  So I decided I would let her play with bubbles in the house if she would eat the squeeze pouch, because — HELLO! IT HAS SPINACH IN IT!  And so my bribery began.  For every bubble blown, we had to eat the squeeze pouch.  And so we did.  And we finished every last drop.  And I went to bed last night knowing Charlotte got a vegetable in her, even if I had to bribe her to do it.

I’m pretty okay about doing the things I said I’d never do to be honest.

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